After a long week, a joke for all

The Smart Blonde

A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man.

He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. "Hey, wanna play a game?" he asks her. "No thank you, i just want to take a nap." "Please, its really easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that i ask you. If you don't know the answer, then you give me five dollars, and if I don't know the answer to your question, then Ill give you five dollars."

"I really don't want to do this. I just want to take a nap."

"Oh but PLEASE pretty please. Okay, how about if I don't know the answer to your question, I'll give you five hundred dollars." The blonde woman became interested and decided to play the game.

"Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?" the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a five dollar bill. "What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?".

The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches all over the internet for an answered. Flustered and confused, the young man hand the blonde five hundred dollars.

After a few hours, the young man was itching to know the answer to the question."What was the answer to the riddle?" the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a five dollar bill

Ontario freebies ~ Every Kilowatt coupon book

Everyone loves freebies, stay tuned...as I find 'em I'll pass them on.

$60 worth of electricity-savings coupons lets you save:

$15 on ENERGY STAR® qualified indoor light fixtures
$15 on programmable thermostats for electric baseboard heaters
$8 on T8 Fluorescent light fixtures and electronic ballasts for fluorescent light fixtures
$5 on power bars with automatic shutoff or built-in timer
$5 on heavy-duty outdoor timers
$4 on ENERGY STAR qualified dimmable, or 3-way compact fluorescent light bulbs
$4 on ENERGY STAR qualified compact fluorescent floodlights or spotlights
$4 on ENERGY STAR qualified decorative or covered fluorescent light bulbs including chandelier, globe, etc.

How do you get your coupons?

An old George Bush joke/song to share

Battle Hymn of the Republicans

(to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;

He has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push;

He has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;

The Doofus marches on.

I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;

There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;

Should we fault him for the policies -- or is he just their tool?

The lies keep piling on.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

His wreckage will live on.

I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;

As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;

Let the smokestacks keep polluting -- do we really need clean air?

The surplus is now gone.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Your safety net is gone!

Now he's got a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;

Though the whole world knows its crazy -- and the U.N. says to wait;

When he doesn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."

Diplomacy is done!

Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;

Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;

Enraging several billions -- to his brainlessness redounds;

The Doofus marches on!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!

THIS...DOO...FUS...MAR...CHES...ON

US to host global crisis summit
CAMP DAVID

20/10/2008 1:00:00 AM

US and European leaders have agreed to hold a series of summits to make the global financial system more resilient and ensure continued prosperity in the world.

US President George W.Bush, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and European Commission president Jose Manuel Barroso said in a joint statement after their talks that the first summit would be held in the United States ''soon after the US elections'' on November 4.

The world leaders would ''review progress being made to address the current crisis and to seek agreement on principles of reform needed to avoid a repetition and ensure global prosperity in the future'', it added.
Later summits ''would be designed to implement agreement on specific steps to be taken to meet those principles''.

Mr Sarkozy and Mr Barroso joined Mr Bush yesterday for a three-hour meeting at the Camp David presidential retreat near Washington.
Mr Sarkozy, whose nation currently holds the rotating presidency of the European Union, is seeking a bold re-launching of the global financial system. He warned it was urgent to stabilise markets ''as swiftly as possible by coming up with answers.

''Once calm has been restored, we must avoid at all costs that those who have led us to where we are today should be allowed to do so once again,'' he said.

Mr Bush stressed the importance of preserving ''the foundations of democratic capitalism the commitment to free markets, free enterprise and free trade''.

Fall-out from the crisis intensified as fresh job losses across the US and Europe were blamed on the turmoil.

And bank chiefs faced a backlash after corporate statements revealed that some workers at Wall Street's leading banks were to receive pay deals totalling more than $US70billion, much of which is expected to be paid in bonuses, for their work so far this year despite plunging the global financial system into its worst crisis since the 1929 crash.

Financial markets closed last week with more wild swings and US data showed starts on building new homes slumped another 6.3 percent in September to the lowest level since the 1991 recession the latest evidence of the burst housing bubble that shook the US economy and triggered the global financial crisis.

White House spokesman Tony Fratto said Mr Bush, Mr Sarkozy and Mr Barroso proposed a series of summits because it was ''too ambitious'' to think the crisis could be solved in a single meeting.

The European leaders are seeking to supplant the Bretton Woods system which governed global finance for decades after World War II.

The first summit would be ''to discuss the current financial crisis and also to set forth principles that would guide the future follow-on''. Of course by then participants ''would be interested in the views and the input of whoever the president-elect is'', Mr Barroso said.

UN chief Ban Ki-moon has supported the call for global financial crisis talks and offered to host them in New York ''in early December''.
Mr Ban said yesterday, ''We both agree that there is no time to lose.''

He offered ''strong support'' for holding ''an expanded, emergency G8 summit to address this urgent problem, which would also include the participation of the Secretary-General of the UN, as well as the heads of the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund.

He proposed holding the talks at the UN secretariat in New York.

''I strongly believe that holding the summit at the United Nations, the symbol of multilateralism, will lend universal legitimacy to this endeavour and demonstrate a collective will to face this serious global challenge.

''We must act together to ensure, above all, that the negative impact of the financial crisis on the world's economies not undermine the major UN efforts to achieve the Millennium Development Goals [to eradicate poverty], fight against the effects of climate change and address the food crisis.''

British prime minister Gordon Brown said in an editorial published yesterday that the world financial crisis had laid bare the weaknesses of unbridled free markets.

But he argued against what he called more intrusive regulation.
Markets worked best when guided by ''an ethic of fairness'', he said.
However, aside from saying that Britain's financial regulator was preparing a new code of conduct to ensure that finance industry bonuses were linked to long-term success, he did not go into specifics.

Britain also plans to boost public spending to help pull its economy through a looming recession. Data due out this week is expected to show that the British economy shrank in the third quarter after zero growth in the second. AFP/AP

Article from http://www.canberratimes.com.au/

Married Couples How to Have Great Sex

Many married couples feel as though all of the great sex in their life is behind them. So many people buy into the idea that great sex is not sex with someone familiar, but this is just not true! You can have great sex whether you have been together for 6 months or 50 years you just have to know what to do to contribute to a great sex life! Anyone who wants to have fantastic sex can! Married sex is different than sex outside of marriage, but it can be better if you understand the finer parts.

Tips for the Men

Most men do not realize that great sex actually starts in the kitchen. Say what?! Yes, it starts in the kitchen! If you want to have sex with your wife you need to be sure that you are in the kitchen helping out by washing the dishes or taking out the trash. Let her know that you care about her by giving her a break. If you want her to be in the mood you have to make sure that she isn't exhausted and by doing these things for her you are likely to get her attention as well as make sure that she is well rested!

Take your time.

Most men want to hurry through the sex process racing toward the finish line. Women are different than men, so you need to think about sex a bit differently. Slow things down a bit by turning on some music, offering her a glass of wine, rubbing her feet, and then making your move. When you try to rush through it you actually turn her off! Slow down for great sex!

Treat her like she is special.

When you have sex with your wife, pretend she is the girl that you saw when you were on your second or third date that you could not wait to get into bed with but you also treated like she was really special! This is something that a lot of men forget about, but a woman likes to feel special so be sure you make her feel that way!

Surprise her with little things.

Bring her home flowers, her favorite candy, a new CD, or even offer to bring home or cook dinner. This will get her attention and romance will be in the air and you will be setting the stage for great sex.

Tips for the Ladies

Tell him what you want. Women often get frustrated with their husband 's because they never seem to know what is wanted of them. When it comes to sex, tell them what you want, when you do this you will generally find that they will willingly oblige, making for a good time!

Make time for sex.

Many women put sex off until the end of the day, which means that it will be less than quality time spent together. Instead of putting it off, make time for sex. You will find that it is very enjoyable if you make time for it, and that you will look forward to sex more often!

Flirt with your man! Seduce him!

Men are very easy to seduce so simply do a little dance for him, flash your favorite body part, or even tell them to meet you in the bedroom! You can be assured that he will respond and that great sex will follow!

Indulge his fantasies.

Men are very imaginative and they generally have a lot of fantasies, so why not indulge him? Dress up, role play, simply have some fun and add a bit of spice to your sex life! When you do this you'll find that you really can make married sex really great!


About the Author
Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance online